How many of you have ever used this equation:
Self worth = performance + others’ opinions
I know I have, most of us have. We crave love and fellowship and intimacy and we turn to others to meet those needs. The problem with basing our worth on the approval of others is that God is the only one who loves and appreciates us unconditionally.

“I am what others say I am”
“I will find my value in their opinions of me.”

But isn’t it amazing we turn to others who have perspectives as limited and darkened as our own to discover our worth rather than relying on God’s steady uplifting reassurance of who we are?

We depend on others who base our worth on our ability to meet their standards. When we base our security on success and others’ opinions, we become dependent on our abilities to perform and to please others. We develop a “have-to” mentality.
“I have to do well on this exam or my security as a good student will be threatened”
“I have to make that deal or my boss will think that I ‘m a failure.”
“My Father or Mother or friend or spouse has to appreciate me and be happy with my decisions because I can’t cope with that person’s disapproval.”
The “have-to” mentality is sheer slavery to performance and the opinions of others.

We often help other not because it’s the kind thing to do but because we are in need of winning their approval or to be appreciated. We often cannot say no because we so desperately need their approval. But how quickly an insensitive word can destroy our self worth that we worked so hard to achieve! The world is full of people who demand that we please them in exchange for their approval and acceptance.

We may join clubs and organizations in order to find a place of acceptance for ourselves. We often identify ourselves with social groups, believing that being with others like ourselves will assure our acceptance and their approval. We find it difficult to open up and reveal our inner thoughts and motives because we believe that others will reject us if they knew what we are really like, and therefore, our fear of rejection leads us to superficial relationships or even isolation. And the more we experience isolation (loneliness), the more we need acceptance. Loneliness often manifests as an inner ache, a vacuum, or a craving for affection. It can even spread into feelings of emptiness, uselessness, or purposelessness. It's the number one problem in North America today. Did you know that more people commit suicide in the month of February than any other months because of how lonely Valentine's day makes people feel? Now how sad is that?

And why do we spend so much time thinking about those who do not hold us in high regard? Because we value the opinions of others so much, when they do not think of us as they should, well... it hurts. One of the most fascinating bahaviours humans have is that most of us continue to repeat the most hurtful messages that others have said to us long after they are gone.

Do you find yourself trying to anticipate people’s thoughts? Do you worry about what even absolute strangers might be thinking about you? When we value the opinions of others more than the truth of God, this robs us of our true self worth and put us on a continual, but fruitless search for significance through our success and the approval of others.

So how do we solve this?
Separated from God, we have only our abilities and the opinions of others on which we base our self-worth.

Turning to others for what ONLY GOD CAN PROVIDE is a direct result of our acceptance of Satan’s lies. God created us; He ALONE knows how to fulfill ALL of our needs. If He doesn’t have all the answers for our emotional needs, how then can He deliver the promise to bring joy and peace into our lives?

Some people have trouble seeing themselves as anything but pleasing to God because they link being pleasing with performance. We expect Christ’s love to be as conditional as this world’s based on our ability to earn it. But God's love is UNCONDITIONAL. All we have to do is accept it and receive it. We are FULLY accepted, UNCONDITIONALLY loved and appreciated, FULLY pleasing to God, because He loves us despite all we've done, despite everything. We don't have to do ANYTHING to earn His love.

So how should we act? By focusing attention on ourselves, we will experience only loneliness and a low self-esteem, or pride and an inflated ego. Neither of which develops healthy relationships. By focusing on God and caring for others, it directs your attention away from yourself. Healthy relationships point one's focus to the Lord and pleasing Him rather than towards the friend and pleasing one another. The equation for JOY is Jesus, Others, then Yourself. We have to stop focusing on ourselves!!

How else should we act? Think deep. Is there anyone you still reject or resent for some reason? Rejection occurs when the person does not measure up to our standards. Whether it's due to pride or because they have hurt us, we try to harness this person’s desire for acceptance until we have changed this person to suit our tastes and our purposes. Nobody likes to be rejected. Would you? Don't reject others. Especially the LEAST of the people.

God bless you, and remember, even if everyone reject you, hate you, and spit on you, you don't have to base your self-worth on those people. Remember, God loves you SO MUCH that He was willing to DIE for you and that should be enough to satisfy you. Imagine a kid, disobeying his mother and running across the street while the light is still red. Out comes a truck, speeding at full speed, heading right towards the kid. Just as the kid was about to be hit by the truck, the mother dashes forward, pushes the kid out of the way, and gets crushed under the truck. That kid must have grown up with a sense of guilt. "My Mother died so I can have a second chance at life today," he would say. That's love. That's what Christ did for you my friend, whether you know it or not. Your price to heaven fully paid, even though many of us still hate Him, spit on Him, and reject Him. God loves you SO MUCH that He died for you, and wants to keep you forever with Him in heaven.

"You have value in the eyes of God so great that it was worth dying for. You are a blessing to the world. You are so precious to God that heaven will not be complete without you."

Now how significant are you? Even the hairs of your head are NUMBERED! "You are fearfully and wonderfully created." - Psalm 139:14 God said so in the Bible. Do you know this Jesus? Do you know how precious and SIGNIFICANT you truly are?

[some quotes are taken from Robert S McGee's book The search for Significance]