Valentine's is quite an interesting time for all of us. For these in a relationship, it's a day of renewal of relationships, a day of celebration, of joy. For these that are not in a relationship, however, it can be quite the contrary. For these that are feeling a bit down, here are some words of encouragement. Before I begin, I want to make it clear that I am not bashing relationships, for these in relationships, I wish you all the best and I'm very happy for you, but here's my view on relationships and why I am single and not looking.

First of all, why do we date? We all want someone to love us and to let us know that we are significant, that we are loved and cared for. It's the key to our lives. But, more often than not, I see relationships around me with people that date for the sake of dating. They feel like if they don't date, they are missing a huge part of their lives. A lot of relationships, in my opinion, are very superficial, and are not at all based on love. People date to look good, to satisfy their lust (lust and NOT love). More often than not, they date for selfish reasons, they care more about how they themselves feel in a relationship and what THEY want rather than the significant other person. They date with no marriage in mind, but more of a "play it and see, if we end up marrying each other in the end, cool, if not, oh well". But think about it, if you are not going to marry the person in the end, why date them in the first place? You'd end up breaking each other's heart somewhere down the road anyway. Dating today is so unhealthy that even a two year relationship is labelled a long term relationship. No wonder there are so many more divorces! Don't look for temporary relationships, look for lasting relationships.

I guess it's true that physical attraction plays a big part in a relationship at first. But, after a while, you'd realize that it's not the physical attraction that will get you through a relationship, but a person's personality. Think about it, does the person love the real you? Or just your outer shell? Is the person seeing you as a lust object or a real person? The best way to see what kind of a person the other person is is by observing him or her in the middle of hardships. If the guy is having a bad day, would he still treat you well? You might be dealing a lot with that in a marriage! Also, when we focus more on receiving rather than giving, we cannot excel in relationships. When both parties in a relationship focus more on what they get rather than expressing their love for the other person and giving to the other person, the relationship is bound for failure.

One last point, you may especially not agree with me on this one. I believe that God has the perfect person in mind for all of us. Our job is not to go crazy looking for the right person and put aside all other things in life until we find the person, but.. God wants to train us to BE the right person for the other person first. So we should be patient, wait, and in the main time, train our characteristics and personality to be more and more attractive. If you've never taken care of kids, it's time to start! If you can't manage your money now, you might just be in trouble 10 years down the road. If you have no patience, I can guarantee it won't work well in a relationship. Stop looking for the right person, start being the right person!

We also have to search with marriage in mind. When beauty fades, would you still love this person in fifty years? And, can you face the bigger picture? Marriage isn't all sweet, there are also huge responsibilities that you need to learn how to handle beforehand.

Singleness is a gift. You have freedom and have opportunities to do certain things in life that you never will be able to again! Take advantage of it and do not view it as a curse. (If God loves you so much that He is willing to give out his only son, why would he hold back on giving you a boyfriend/girlfriend? God must know what's best for your life at this point~) of course, we were meant to love and be loved and everyone wants that special someone. It can be the most incredible feeling in the world. Be patient... one wise thing you can do is pray for God to guard your future husband/wife's heart, so that he/she will not give into foolish decisions and temptations right now, so that someday he/she can be presented to you pure as a bride.

Remember also, your FIRST love. God loves you so much that He wants your heart, your whole heart right now. Learn to serve God first. A Godless relationship will not work.

Love is Patient, Love is Kind, it does not ENVY, it does not Boast, it is not Proud. It is not Rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. (read this passage carefully and analyze it, do you know what love REALLY means? is your love for the other person conditional? Is it only a temporary fling? If the person has done something terribly wrong, would you forgive him/her? Or, would you never speak to him/her again? be wise and be patient, true love is worth the wait. Before love is anything else, love is patient - 1 Corinthians 13)

[ i hope no one is offended by what i wrote, it is after all my own opinion. I am not discouraging anyone from seeking relationships, but to be wise. after all, the heart is not something you should mess with ]

Why am I single? I believe that God has perfect timing for everything. The wrong time for the right thing is the wrong thing. Right now, there are other things in my life that should take priority. I also need to be moulded into the right person before I go into a relationship. As much as I want a boyfriend right now, I know that if I do get one now, I will never be able to understand the phrase "ALL I need is You Lord". And, knowing God after walking with Him for so many years, He's always given me the VERY best, not second best, not mediocre, the VERY best. So why settle for second best when you can wait for a while, trust in the Lord, and receive the very best? Also, I believe that if I jump into relationships now that don't quite work out, they can potentially have an affect on a successful relationship in the future. Your heart sometimes never quite get over a certain person, and it'll only hurt your future marriage (but that's just my opinion). I'd rather remain pure for now, and I want to give God the best years of my life. Being single can be tough and lonely sometimes, but it's always good to have a great family and great friends for support! =) thank you guys.

Thanks to Joshamatt for the ideas for these two images.

Some quotes mentioned in this entry are taken from Joshua Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" For more information, click here.